Member Agency Spotlight
Nova Vita Domestic Violence Prevention Services
When you think of Brantford’s Nova Vita Domestic Violence Prevention Services you likely think of services for women. What you might be surprised to discover is that Nova Vita also extends services to children, men and indeed, entire families.
The Challenge to Change Men’s Program at Nova Vita exists to invite men to take ownership for all violent, abusive and controlling behaviour. Doing so promotes healthier relationships and helps men to feel better about themselves. The program helps men to take control of their own behaviour, regardless of the behaviour of their partners or others around them. One of the main messages men in the program hear repeatedly is that “the only person you can control is yourself.” Combined with the adage that “the use of violence and abuse is always a choice”, men are given hope knowing that no matter what is going on around them, they have the power to remain calm and respond in a respectful manner.
Meeting together in two hour groups once per week for sixteen weeks, men are encouraged to develop a vision of the kind of partner they want to be. Often they talk about wanting to be caring, loving, respectful, faithful and loyal. Using tools such as improved communication skills, time out and positive self talk, the participants learn to be a more respectful partner. Believing that “if you can name the demon you can conquer that demon”, greater awareness of what actually constitutes abusive behaviour is encouraged. Topics covered include: using intimidation, using emotional abuse, using isolation, the use of minimization, denial and blame, using children, using male privilege, using economic abuse, and using coercion and threats. Men who complete the program often comment that they had no idea they were being abusive in so many ways.
Men are frequently motivated to come to the program because they find they have hurt the woman they love in ways they could never have imagined. It is not uncommon for participants to talk about having ‘driven the woman they love away from them to the point where she wanted to leave’. One of the features of group is that “what is said in group stays in group.” Group participants have been known to say they like coming to group because it is ‘the one safe place where men can talk together about things that are really important’. The men in the program often draw great strength from one another. Sharing common experiences, they learn about what each other are going through and offer each other the kind of support that is difficult to find elsewhere. As the men in the program put ideas and tools gained in the program into practise, they often report back that their relationships at home are improving, that they feel closer to their partners, and that the quality of their time with their partners is improving. The most gratifying feedback for many group participants comes from their partners when their partners report that they see improvement in them.
The program is not just for men who are still with their partners. Many participants are not currently in a significant relationship, but use their time in group to prepare themselves to be better partners if they should ever choose to enter a new relationship in the future. Men in the program often indicate that they are able to use things learned in the program in many areas of their life, not just at home with their partner. Group participants frequently share success stories of how they have improved their relationships with their children, their bosses and co-workers, their friends and other family members.
Invariably men come away from the Challenge to Change Program feeling enlightened, empowered, more confident, self – assured and stronger. They feel better about whom they are in general, and specifically, about their increased ability to be the kind of partner and man they know they can be.
Nova Vita could not offer these essential programs and services without the support and generosity of the people of Brantford and the County of Brant and Brant United Way. If you would like more information about the Challenge to Change Program, please do not hesitate to call Nova Vita Domestic Violence Prevention Services at 519-752-1005 ext. 242.